A Woman's Place

I read an interesting quote from Edna Ferber the other day that really struck a chord:

"Being an old maid is like death by drowning, a really delightful sensation once you cease to struggle."

Owing to the stigma that many churches continue to place on single women, and owing also to the influence of so many well-meaning people that think a woman cannot serve God without being married, I used to live in terror of remaining single. Somehow my entire self worth depended upon a ring decorating the third finger of my left hand. Then one day I started to question why I would willingly subject myself to such an archaic way of thinking. Why fight against (and exhaust myself over) what was clearly God's will? Why not glory in my singleness and accept it as a gift from God?

In today's world, young Christian women have a harder time than ever knowing their place. We have the non-Christian world telling us just to live as we please and not to worry about rules, morals, or other people, which we know is the wrong way, but which can also entice us in a weak moment. Then we have eighty different versions of how we should live coming at us from the Christian world. Some pastors say we shouldn't even be allowed to teach Sunday school because of our gender, whereas others tell us even the pulpit isn't off limits. Some people tell us we aren't fulfilling our destiny unless we marry and bear a "quiver-full" of home-schooled children. Some say we should go to college, others that we shouldn't. Some say we should only live either at home with our parents (and under their authority) or with a husband (and under his authority). Some ways of thinking seek to liberate us, others, seemingly, to enslave us. Few people seem to agree about a single Christian woman's place in the world.

This lack of clear direction embittered and frustrated me for years. Why is it so clear what a Christian man's place in the world is, but so murky for a Christian woman? My best guess is, it's yet another plot of the enemy's. By causing confusion, he can snatch young women away from the embrace of a loving God, and thrust them into an abyss. By leaving them unsure of which way to follow, he can mislead them into the wrong way, or even no way at all. It's a pretty clever idea (Yes, I called Satan clever. Do not underestimate our enemy.)

A short while after coming to Korea, I found myself realizing just how wonderful life can be when you cease to struggle. Now that I have completely given up on the idea of marriage, I can enjoy the benefits of being single. I don't need a man to "give me the world" - God already did! I don't need a man to "complete me" - again, God already did! If He wants me married, than He can send the guy at the right time, and I will be happy to oblige. In the meantime, I am serving God and loving my life, without the burden of obsessing over that naked third finger.